[Filter: Private]

I suppose this is what the tamer must feel like, moments before the janguar he tamed eats him.

Serves him right, I suppose, for thinking jaguars can be tamed at all.

[Filter: Public]

I suppose one thing that I can say in support of Angela is that she's a skilled enough rider, which I didn't really expect, but far be it from me to look a gift horse in the mouth. She knows what she's doing in the saddle and I'm not going to have to move at a trot or fear her caterwauling at the top of her lungs. She does want to slow down every so often to talk, but, well ... at this point, I wasn't expecting the most pleasant ride of my life.

This makes an excellent case for always putting your hopes low. I'm having a miserable time, and feeling rather fantastic about it.

[Filter: Benedette]

I appreciate everything you've done, and I don't doubt that you've been trying your best to find a solution to all of this. But it would seem that I'm out of time for all of that.

[Filter: Public]

Angela's parents left back for Kanemoria, today.

Angela didn't.

She's had a spiritual awakening, you see, and it's now her only wish in life to serve the Dragons. She can't bear to be alone, of course, so she's travelling to Shairfel to join the convent there.

Impossible circumstance, I'm afraid.

I tried to tell her that she can't travel with me, but, naturally, that caused a scene. So I suppose I'm not even going to get to enjoy my long ride home, after all.

[Filter: Private]

This is absolutely insane.

Stay in Megam? Come to Fairen? Become a priestess? And oh, she's not staying for me, how dare I even think it? She's had a spiritual awakening! She wants to serve the Dragons!

Who the hell does she think she's fooling.

This is --

I am in so far over my head, here. That temple -- there's no one there who'd listen to me. I have a reputation, after all. It's all I can do just to keep it from Alma. They'd all consider it my just desserts.

There needs to be --

There needs to be some way to get out of this. To get rid of this insane woman.

I'm sorry I ever sat by her.

Well, I think I see some light at the end of the tunnel, at last. Or maybe it's just the eye of the storm. False hope, and then ...

Knock on wood.

[Filter: Private]

Dragons.

Gotten myself into a fantastic little mess, haven't I? She's -- she's off her nut, is what she is. So what if I am losing interest? I never expected --

She's insane.

I knew she was behaving strangely, but how could I possibly let Alma have been right all along? She must be absolutely loving this.

I have no idea how I'm going to manage to get rid of her, not when she has her hooks in so deeply and is clearly convinced this is ... considerably more than it actually is. It's nothing. It's fun! What's so wrong with fun?

She has to know that I know. She can't assume that no one will have said anything. Obviously, they have.

And that's not even --

I should never have

What an absolute mess. Fucking fantastic.

[Filter: Public]

I don't know if I can quite describe how embarrased I am right now, but I feel as if I should apologize very deeply for the conduct of my friend who apprehended my journal and then did away with it. She was clearly not having a good day, and ... really, I'm not even sure how to try to explain it.

On a completely unrelated matter, does anyone have ... advice, for separateing oneself from a particularly ... overinvested ... companion?

Dragons, I apologize for being absent for so long. My journal completely vanished a few weeks ago while I was in the bath. I was sure I left it by the beside table, but ... well, apparently, I didn't, or one of the maids walked off with it, or something. I was fairly convinced someone took it, for a time, but Angela talked me out of that nonsense.

I finally just went off and got myself a new one. It's not as if the old one had any sentimental value, and it really seems to be gone forever.

It seems I've missed a lot. Forgive me if I don't read back. Nothing important, I hope?

[this is unfamiliar handwriting. it loops and curves like a young woman's. There's a hard edge to it despite its lightness, as if the writer is trying very hard to keep their hand steady and controlled.]

Hello, hello~ I can barely believe that this is real, even after all he's told me, but let's skip that part, because I don't know how long I have!

This is Leon's journal! I'm not Leon, obviously~ My name is Angela, and he and I have become, mn, very close friends in the last couple months. He's bathing, right now. He invited me in with him, but I'm feeling very clean right now, despite the little romp we just had, and beside, I thought this was the best time to write here.

You see, Leon's been acting a little strangely lately. Not towards me, no, of course not. He's been as wonderful and kind and passionate as ever. But towards others, he's seemed ... distant, and dismissive, and they have to work very hard to get his attention, and I they are started to think that he's losing int terribly upset about something else.

Does anyone know what I can do for him? Or what might be bothering him in the first place? Or how these ... other people might go about endearing themselves to him once more?

I truly think he's in terrible shape over this!

[Filter: Private]

Why do women have to take every single thing so personally? Isn't it fine that I'm tired? Isn't it completely reasonable to say that, for once, I don't want to run around the city all day again, tomorrow?

It's not --

I'm just tired. It's not meant to be offensive. I'm not saying that I don't like her anymore. It's not like that. I have no idea why this needs to be blown so far out of porportion.

It doesn't matter. She'll get over it, and I'll get to sleep in late tomorrow and feel energized and we can get right back to enjoying one another in every way we can.

I won't mention a word of this in public, either. Dragons only know, Alma would love to tell me she was right about demanding and leech. She'd enjoy it far too much, Dragons know why. And Bened

[Filter: Private]

She really is something.

I don't think I've ever had a woman so demanding. The moment we're alone, she's begging for it, and she's so ... Dragons, the way that she asks, eyes needy and hands wandering. How is a man ever supposed to say no? She's draining all of my strength, but it's not objectionable in the least. It's ... relaxing, really, to feel so completely sated, all the time.

Her father definitely suspects what's going on. He's hardly so friendly anymore, when I bring his daughter back at the smallest hours of the morning and she's wearing her laziest smile and smelling like sweat. Those glares! But he won't confront me, I know he won't. I'm keeping Angela occupied, after all, and that means he's free to do to his wife what I'm doing to his daughter.

Foreign women, indeed.

We're both bound to burn through one another and lose interest soon enough, but by that point she'll be on her way back to Riva, and I'll be ready to go home and deal with Aubrey again.

... and that's an unpleasant switch in topic. Wonderful.

[Filter: Public]

I made the mistake of mentioning my birthday to Angela today. I swear, she nearly hit the ceiling when she realized how close it was. Now I'm never going to get out of a fancy celebration and a big fuss made over me. Knowing Angela, I'll be sleeping until noon the next day.

I suppose there are worse things, though. Who doesn't like to feel like a King on their birthday?

On a similar but somewhat random note, Lady Benedette, when is your birthday? It occured to me writing this that I could miss it without a word, which would be entirely ungentlemanly of me.

I do apologize I've barely been writing, but Angela is just like a ... well, something that holds on with all its might and doesn't let go. Pick something. She's demanding all of my time and by the time I reach my room again at the end of the day, I just don't have the energy to take off my shoes, much less pick up a pen and write about it.

But she promised her parents that she'd spend the day with them today, which has given me a blessed moment to write.

Of course, now that I have it, I'm not sure what to write. Let's try.

She's lovely, really. Very eager to experience new things, which I always like in companions. I just have to suggest something and she's completely on board with it, no matter how silly it sounded in my head. But when I warn her off something, she doesn't insist on trying it anyway just to spite me, which is also ... welcome.

I really am going to miss her when she leaves. I'll probably spend a week on my own after that, and then think about returning home ... but we'll see. She doesn't have any actual date when she'll be leaving yet, so it could be some time. I'll think about it.

[Filter: Private]

I love foreign women. They're never as ... repressed. Always worrying what people are going to think if this or that happens. Easier to talk down. Less determined to maintain rules.

Not that even Megami women can't be convinced ...

... see, Alma? This is why I need to take care of you. I certainly don't come across as a wolf, but I am, and so is he. We all are.

[Filter: Public]

Well, she wasn't yanking my chain. Angela and I have been meeting up for the last few nights, actually. She's very grateful for someone who knows this city well enough to keep her entertained while her parents enjoy their relaxing spiritual renewal.

She doesn't talk much, but she likes to listen, and loves to laugh. And she's so open to suggestions. No matter where I take her, she always seems to enjoy herself.

A good companion, basically. I think I'll keep spending time with her until she leaves.

I met a very interesting young lady last night.

It's amazing all the different sorts of people one can meet in Chimer. She's from Northern Kanemoria. Her family is here on pilgramage, of course, but that only counts for so much when they only come to Chimer instead of going all the way to Lucre. Not that there's anything wrong with it. I understand it, really, though they'll miss out on the experience of visiting the Altar. It's very ... enlightening, and spiritually moving.

But I'm getting sidetracked.

Anyway, she's very lively and a little bored by the quiet areas of the city that her parents have been staying in. I thought she could use a little excitement and took her to the more lively quarters. She was grateful for my time. Very exuberant in thanking me. It wasn't neccessary, of course. I had a lovely time.

I think we've going to meet up again tonight. At least, I hope so, and she wasn't just saying it to be nice.

[Filter: Private]

Ugh.

I've been here a day, and ... nothing. No release, no peace, no comfort, no ... freedom, just ... constant. I wonder what Alma is doing. What's Alma doing? Is she with him? Is he hurting her? I should be there.

Over and over and over, running through my head.

I need --

I need something more. Higher and harder, if there's a city in Megam to lose yourself, this is the one. I can do this. It's not the first time.

[Filter: Private]

Cautionary tales.

[Filter: Public]

Well, it's been about a day since Wednesday was officially over, and still there's no sight of the traditional gathering in the journal courtyard, so I thought I might try my hand at it for once. It doesn't seem like anyone has room to complain that I did.

What is your very worst experience with a significant other? Or just a someone with whom you were sharing romantic company. Embarrasing, annoying, heartbreaking ... whatever you're willing to share is acceptable.

But don't hold back. Sharing is only good for you if you're truly honest, after all.

And I'm on my way.

[Filter: Private]

Not that anyone is going to miss me here.

[Filter: Private]

Fine.

Just fine. See what I care! What obligation do I have to take care of you, you ingrateful --

I know what's best for you, and you deny me, so -- very well! What can I do about it? Nothing. Dragons, I could just

I don't need to be here to see this.

You'll see, Alma. When he ruins you and you spurned my protection, you --

How can I

It's her

[Filter: Public]

I think I'll go back to Chimer soon. I'll speak to father and mother. They'll have a problem with it, as always, but I win in the end, every time.

It's been much too long and I'm getting tired of seeing the same thing every day. I miss the city and I miss the comforts it provides.

Unfortunately, it seems that the construction is wrapping up. We have a new dock and a boating shack along the beach near it, which both look lovely, if still a bit unfinished and raw. Father suggested they come back and build a few small houses in the town, as well, which they agreed to, but it will be some time before they have the opening in their schedules.

I suppose, Aubrey, that means you are able to come again at your leisure. I thought I should say something, before Alma invited you in swelling tones. I thought I could better set the mood of how things really are:

You're certainly not welcome here, as you never are, but you'll have somewhere to put your boat now if you insist on imposing, which you most likely will.

What a useful tool this has already proved to be.

My father has brought in some workers from the mainland. We're doing some construction on the island, Aubrey, and things are going to be a mess. Perhaps it would be wise if you didn't come by to see my sister for the month of March. Or ever, but Dragons know I couldn't be so lucky.

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